The spirit-chef knows how long a soul must bake before it is ready to be served into love.
A: What is it, light of my life; why has such dark-grey gloom descended upon you?
B: I am dissatisfied. I do not feel like you see me. I want to run away, but I do not dare to.
A: So, you’d rather sit there, feeling sorry for yourself.
B: Yes —
A: Have I started seeing you, yet?
B: … Yes.
A: What if I said to you that I have been seeing you all along and know precisely to what you refer by this feeling and the mood in which it has put you?
B: You are lying.
A: Ah, but would I lie to the light of my life without first willing her darkness? I started our conversation by wanting to blow away the gloomy clouds hovering over you — I saw you enough to know you’re gloomy.
B: You did.
A: Then have some faith.
A: There is a specific part of your life — something true of you — about which you are not happy. You find it difficult to open up about it and when I try to open you up, you block me out of pain, shame and anger — sometimes it is one, sometimes it is another and often it is a combination of all three.
I won’t mention it, because the moment I do, you will feel it and shut down.
B: (*) Blush (*)
A: I will journey with you to that place, together, as we hold hands — but I will never compensate for you.
I will not be the person you use not to open up; the person who will build walls around you and enforce them. I am your loyal warrior, not your guard dog.
I value you too much to let you — to help you — hide your light behind a barricade.
B: Why? Do you wish to cause me pain, shame and anger?
A: I am your liberator, but there are some things I cannot liberate you from without you — and this is one of them. I cannot change you and even if I tried you would resent me.
If a change such as this is possible, it must come from you; all I can do is hold your hand, cheer you on and show you things about yourself you didn’t see before or know were there and were true. Most of all, I can find them with you — together.
B: What lies behind your pain, shame and anger is what you need to accept, express and process to enable your growth; to grow up and get on with your life; to move on to the next thing as you gain a glimpse of the infinite beauty and life-light you are. This glimpse will nourish you spiritually, but it won’t change the hardship of life we all live through — and we must do so as the condition for our existence as human beings.
When you are ready and willing, together we may venture to that place. We may sit in the pain, shame and anger you feel. We may do so for as long as you can manage without running away — long enough to let the truth come out, unadulterated and therefrom we will see what happens.
If it is too much, we will stop and try again another day.
B: I feel better already. I didn’t know you’d noticed all along, but did not press me.
All this time, I would feel as though you let me get away with treating you badly in those moments, because you were afraid. I begun to lose respect for you and then respect for myself. Finally, I felt as though you did not love me and that I was not lovable. I wanted you to press me.
I didn’t know you loved me so much that you wanted to spare me senseless torment, because I didn’t know what I saw doing.
I realise now that asking you to press me before I knew what was happening in me and in you, before I accepted the two of us as separate individuals, would change nothing. It would and lock us into an endless, stagnating cycle.
You waited for this conversation between us all along, didn’t you?
A: I waited for you to be ready to see me as your soulmate — your equal.