What you really feel about a circumstance is the most primitive assessment of that situation you possess and therefore the one closest to who you are. Let’s call these “root feelings”.
Ideally, your root feelings are where you begin (not end) your journey from understanding to deciding and finally acting upon a circumstance such that your actions are the richest and most complete expressions of your personal and moral identity.
However, any interpretation of the circumstance also conjures up other feelings. These feelings, in turn, obfuscate your root feeling. These interpretations, especially when they become habits of mind for one reason or another (partly nature, partly nurture)can happen really fast and can be difficult to interject, suspend or even prevent. Let’s call these “stem feelings”.
The more habits of mind we create, the faster we become at interpreting and, in turn, the more distant the connection to the root feeling from the stem feelings.
After a while, it becomes increasingly difficult to get to the root feeling and so you lose yourself, which affects your actions and eventually makes your happiness and fulfillment that much harder.
Eventually, the connection is lost by layers upon layers of stem feelings — this event is typically understood as the development of a complex.
Complexes are habitual interpretations of circumstances that engender such feelings that detach you from your root feeling about the circumstance.
What is the root feeling and how do you know you arrived at it?
A story for another day, but as a preface: it expresses what you want, not what you think you want, or what you should or what you can want.